A Canine Christmas

I don't need much.. a warm dry place to sleep, food and water, a hiney to sniff. What's all this fuss about this time every year with all the lights, holly and the things people do? When I was inside a lot, there was a tree in the corner that set off my allergies, and my "master" would have a fit if I used it as a fire hydrant. I just don't get it.

Going Postal

This time of year when you get sick of all the traffic, congestion, jerks drivers, etc., do what I do: Bite the mailman. The Postmaster General recently announced that there would be a 5 year wait before a deceased person could have their likeness on a stamp. What a coincidence, about the same time it takes the Postal Service to deliver anything. I guess they're too busy shooting one another to do their jobs.

Dog Shows are Demeaning and Dogmatic

They are every bit as asinine and irrelevant as Beauty Contests. Blue eyes? Fuhgedaboutit. The contestants strut around as if theirs' don't stink, but we know better. Hiney sniffing, leg humping, any of the things we REAL dogs like to do would get you kicked out of one of those meat markets. And they all just sit there and give that glazed look as if to say "all I want for Christmas is a new Iams formula and world peace". And that former Host Bob Barker? He had a nice name, but he lost me with that speech about having your pet spayed or neutered. Have you ever tried to make it with a dame after she's been spayed? You humans, I hope the answer is no, but they have computers in some pretty remote places now.

Product review: Pedigree dog food

For most of my life, my "master" for lack of a better word, but WE know who's really boss, has had me on Pedigree small crunchy bites. The cheapskate wouldn't spring for Iams, but we tried Purina and it gave me gas. It's okay for HIM to break wind (he usually blames me anyway) but let me step on a duck just one time, and it's out to the back yard I go. Anyhow, we compromised and got Pedigree, usually mixed with canned, also Pedigree. We tried the large crunchy bites, but it was nasty, my own turds grossed us out, so I can't complain about the dry. Of the canned flavors turkey and bacon is one of my faves along with lamb and vegetables and country stew. I am fortunate enough to get a different flavor most every day, so I'm happy except for one thing. My domestic partner has been spayed, so no act-shun out of her, unlike human females, once the crib has been taken out, the playpen goes with it. In short, K-Man needs a dame!

Barking at the Moon

Why is it that so many people talk about us so bad? Dog is God reversed, ya' know, but all we hear is "I'm working like a dog", "he lies like a dog", yada, yada, yada.

It's a Dog's Life

I think it's time we canines got together and filed a class action suit. Every time I turn around, and that's quite often, we're being blamed for eating someone's homework, eating each other, lying, we get blamed for passing gas, etc. I think it's high time we put a stop to these egregious offenses. Henceforth and forthwith, I Kramer, (and I have a bone to pick with my "owner" over that name these days) hereby demand that all of you whose use these offensive phrases, cease and desist from defaming us heinous corpulence, ipso fatso.