More Recalls

Pedigree is one of the few pet food brands not affected by all the recent recalls. In my younger days, I probably could have digested melamine, but not now. I'm proud to be a Pedigrere dog!

Wheat Gluten, Food for thought

that's the culprit in all these pet food recalls. Wheat gluten from China. Do we really trust the Chinese to make dog food? After all, we have been found in some of their people food.

Proud to be a Pedigree Dog!

With this dog food recall, I'm glad I'm a Pedigree dog. Ol' Roy is cheap grool, and Iams and Eukanuba are high brow snobbish brands that aren't worth the price difference. Besides, Ol' Roy gives me gas. I get blamed for enough of that as is.

Sharing A Name With A Rogue

In March of 1996, I answered an ad for Siberian Huskies puppies for sale, not really intending to buy one, more out of curiosity than anything. I had always wanted a Husky since our neighbors had one when I was a young boy. Needless to say, when I got there and saw this fellow, I quickly changed my mind. I didn't go prepared, so I had to go to an ATM since I didn't have enough cash and the man would not take a check. On my way home, I detoured to my Mother's townhouse to show off my new friend, as she is an animal lover. I couldn't wait for her to see my then 10 lb. ball of fur, who would fit into the inside pocket of my denim jacket. When we arrived, Mom was surprised by my new friend. "What are you going to name him?" , she asked. I told her I hadn't decided yet. She invited me to have dinner with her, I complied and we talked for awhile and marveled at the little fellow. Shortly after dinner, we went into the living room to watch TV and it was Thursday night. NBC's "must-see TV". Seinfeld was on and just as Cosmo Kramer burst into Jerry's apartment with his trademark slide, the puppy was sliding around on the linoleum surface on Mom's kitchen floor. Hmmm, I thought. "Mom, I think I'll call him Kramer".
His name was not a problem for most of his first decade in human years. Actually, it was quite appropriate. Like George Costanza once said of Cosmo Kramer: "he doesn't have a job, he mooches food off his neighbors, has sex without dating, his life is a fantasy camp". He was once mistaken for a raccoon by an elderly woman working the drive through at the local gas company. He sexually assaulted the leg of a man who is now a Judge when he was campaigning for some other office. Wish I had video of that. He once urinated all over the corduroy pants leg of a salesman who was giving an estimate for a sun room, while I was holding my other dog, a female German Shepherd mix, a feisty fraulein. But's that's another article. Her name is Jewel, by the way, so named because she would howl at the sound of Jewel the Singer. I'm looking for her to be involved in some sort of scandal soon. Now, one of my fine four-legged friends has to endure the shame of sharing a name with the only role Michael Richards will ever be known for, most likely. As if weakening eyesight and epilepsy were not enough, now my Kramer has another obstacle to overcome. At least he has someone to commiserate with as my newly adopted son has the unfortunate handle of Joseph McCarthy, until we get it legally changed.

Kramer's Little Friend

I've officially been overshadowed by the attention paid by my masters by this little &!#@#, do you believe that? You've heard of the "designer dogs" like puggles, half pug/half poodle? Well, this is a pugshund half pug/half dachund. And it was strictly by accident, no design here. You know what they say, "every dog has his day".

Blogs

When I started this, I didn't know but what a blog was a spot where I had an accident on the carpet. You know what, ...I still don't, but I'm having fun. Unfortunately, I have a case of writer's block, so tune in tomorrow.

Dick Vitale Would Make A Good Fire Hydrant

And, I, Kramer would like to be the first in line to christen it. What a jerk! It's an outrage that the guy has a job making millions on ESPN for being a blowhard carnival barker.

No UConn Huskies?

How can you have an NCAA Tournament without the UConn or Washington Huskies. In fact, there are no dog names to be found that I know of. Only Tennessee even has a dog mascot and Smokey is a neutered lap dog. I wouldn't root for Tennessee if they were playing 'Cats, of which there are many in the field of 65. Kentucky, Arizona, Villanova, all Wildcats. There is even a tree represented. That's the Stanford Cardinal mascot. You know what I'd like to do to him.

Tom Brady and PETA

How is it that Tom Brady escapes attention from PETA when the guy is personally responsible for the death of so many rabbits? With Brady planting his seed all over New England, how many rabbits have died with seemingly every other female in the area carrying his baby? Ok, ok, I know. They don't use rabbits for that anymore, and even when they did, the rabbit died whether the woman was with child or not, but makers of home pregnancy kits should seriously consider using Tom Brady for commercials.

The New Brady Bunch?

How about that Tom Brady? Father of, not one, but TWO children due next summer according to Glamurama.com. His Model main squeeze, Gisele Bundschen is due not long after his ex Bridget Moynihan. I'll bet Bill Bilichick wishes Brady would leave his "Patriot Missile" in the Silo! And they say canines can't control their libidos! This guy is hornier than one of us on a chain with two tally-whackers!

March Madness?

So, what is all this March Madness everyone is talking (and barking) about? Why does it only happen in one month of the year? Allright, I have some idea. It has something to do with that round ball that I try to have my way with in the back yard, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to use that ball. Anyway, as long as the UConn Huskies win, I don't care. My dream National Championship game? UConn vs. Washington!

Writer's Block

I, K9Kramer, have nothing to say at this time, a bad case of writer's block, I don't have the energy to chase cars anymore, it finally sunk in what Master said all those years: "You wouldn't know what to do with it if you caught it" you know, so I may as well weigh in on Dick Cheney. Don't impeach him, he's too valuable to our side. Let him stay in the #2 position, he IS a #2, after all, and continue to make this administration look bad. Just don't go hunting with the guy.

Bob Barker

I'm thinking of filing a class action suit against this guy. First of all, he has disgraced his name. It should be Bob Meower, what with signing off every Price is Right with the blurb about spaying and neutering your pets. Considering we've never had sexual harassment charges against us, maybe Bob is the one who should be snipped!

And They Call My Girlfriend A Bitch

What's up with this Ann Coulter chick? As if her previous statements were not enough, now she REALLY goes off the deep end. John Edwards may have plastic-looking hair, maybe he's even been on a float trip in Northern Georgia, he is from neighboring South Carolina, after all, but a f@$$@!? I rather doubt it.

Bill O'Reilly is one guy on whose leg...

I'd like to relieve myself on, just to see how he'd react. I'll bet he's a cat person, anyway.

Another Birthday

On Feb. 8, I, Kramer, had another Birthday. That makes 11 now, 77 in dog years, if some "experts" can be believed. And all I got was a couple of extra biscuits and a chew toy. What a cheapskate!