Thursday, March 15, 2007

Sharing A Name With A Rogue

In March of 1996, I answered an ad for Siberian Huskies puppies for sale, not really intending to buy one, more out of curiosity than anything. I had always wanted a Husky since our neighbors had one when I was a young boy. Needless to say, when I got there and saw this fellow, I quickly changed my mind. I didn't go prepared, so I had to go to an ATM since I didn't have enough cash and the man would not take a check. On my way home, I detoured to my Mother's townhouse to show off my new friend, as she is an animal lover. I couldn't wait for her to see my then 10 lb. ball of fur, who would fit into the inside pocket of my denim jacket. When we arrived, Mom was surprised by my new friend. "What are you going to name him?" , she asked. I told her I hadn't decided yet. She invited me to have dinner with her, I complied and we talked for awhile and marveled at the little fellow. Shortly after dinner, we went into the living room to watch TV and it was Thursday night. NBC's "must-see TV". Seinfeld was on and just as Cosmo Kramer burst into Jerry's apartment with his trademark slide, the puppy was sliding around on the linoleum surface on Mom's kitchen floor. Hmmm, I thought. "Mom, I think I'll call him Kramer".
His name was not a problem for most of his first decade in human years. Actually, it was quite appropriate. Like George Costanza once said of Cosmo Kramer: "he doesn't have a job, he mooches food off his neighbors, has sex without dating, his life is a fantasy camp". He was once mistaken for a raccoon by an elderly woman working the drive through at the local gas company. He sexually assaulted the leg of a man who is now a Judge when he was campaigning for some other office. Wish I had video of that. He once urinated all over the corduroy pants leg of a salesman who was giving an estimate for a sun room, while I was holding my other dog, a female German Shepherd mix, a feisty fraulein. But's that's another article. Her name is Jewel, by the way, so named because she would howl at the sound of Jewel the Singer. I'm looking for her to be involved in some sort of scandal soon. Now, one of my fine four-legged friends has to endure the shame of sharing a name with the only role Michael Richards will ever be known for, most likely. As if weakening eyesight and epilepsy were not enough, now my Kramer has another obstacle to overcome. At least he has someone to commiserate with as my newly adopted son has the unfortunate handle of Joseph McCarthy, until we get it legally changed.

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